Friday, November 27, 2009
I'm tired, and I'm having a hard time accepting it. I am now 27 weeks pregnant and the fatigue I am feeling is comparable to the first 10 weeks! My best bud over at My Life in Purple put it quite plainly this morning "I would be tired too if I was carrying around a whole other person, who was beating me up from the inside". I am usually awake every two hours at night, and even though I am no longer working, my days are full. You see, I have the baby's room to set up, two closets to organize, a desk to sell and a guest room to prepare all before the baby makes her grand entrance into the world. Then, when you put Christmas festivities in the middle of it all, there really is not a lot of time left.
I also have other things on my mind. It is like a cloud that occasionally blocks the sun on a "chance of clouds day". Last Monday, the specialist called with the results of the blood work. It appears that I am virus free, which sparked a small celebration. I reveled in that glory for a day and really felt that the blood work to test for the Cystic Fibrosis gene would come back negative. The call came on Tuesday afternoon, when the specialist candidly told me that both my husband and I carry the gene for Cystic Fibrosis. When the blood work is combined with the fact that she has an "echogenic bowel", she told me that the odds of our daughter having CF was greater than 50%. So now, we have more appointments, more ultrasounds and she will be born in a facility with a NICU. We will also be referred to the CF team at the IWK in Halifax, and a pediatrician. I have refused an amniocentesis, since it will not change anything, and the procedure itself scares the crap out of me. It is reassuring that the doctors are taking all of the proper precautions, and my hubby and I are trying to focus on the fact that she has a 40%+ chance that she will not have CF.
It is not the disease itself that scares me. The disease is manageable, and she should have a normal quality of life. It is the fact that she may be sick, and there is nothing I can do to help. I know that she'll get lots of love to compensate...