"... These words are my diary, screaming out loud. And I know that you'll use them however you want to..."

Monday, October 26, 2009

Reflection and a little hope...

We got to see our little girl again last Friday, after being referred to a specialist for inconclusive results on our first ultrasound pertaining to the baby's bowels. This time my hubby was able to watch his little girl for the first time in 11 weeks. She put on quite a show, kicking and punching, she even hit herself in the head! She had her mouth wide open for one picture and the Doctor said "yep- there is not doubt its a girl, she's talking already!".

Then came the serious part. The doctor took many pictures of the baby's bowels and noted that her heart, stomach, kidneys, liver, brain, and spine all looked good. She then turned to us and said that the baby has a "bright" or "echogenic" bowel in that the bowel appears to be as bright as a bone on the ultrasound. She then started listing the possible causes of an "echogenic" bowel.

She spent a fair amount of time talking mostly about Cystic Fibrosis. I didn't know we could carry the gene even if no one in our family has it. So we signed up to have blood work done to see if we carry the gene. If either my husband or I carry the gene, then there is a 75% chance that the baby has CF. So we will wait another 2 - 3 weeks for the results of the genetic testing to know what our "odds" are, but ultimately we will not know until she is born.

She then talked about the congenital malformations of the bowel, which may be narrowing, a kink, blocked or obstructed bowel. This will be diagnosed by future ultrasounds at 28, 32 and 36 weeks. If this is the case then our baby will likely be born at IWK in Halifax, and will have surgery soon after birth to correct the problem.

There are other possibilities including a virus that I may be carrying. So I have had blood work for that too. It could also be caused by Downs Syndrome, however the doctor did not think that this was likely as our previous genetic testing did not indicate a high probability of Downs Syndrome and the baby does not have any other "Downs" characteristics.

The positive side of all of this is, our little girl is measuring "big" for her age! The doctor did note that most CF and Downs Syndrome babies are small for their age. So we reflected on this, and immediately took a positive outlook on the situation. There is nothing we can do until the baby is born, but we can prepare ourselves, and enjoy the pregnancy. I have a feeling that everything will be alright.

I was at the hospital again this morning for the blood work, and saw a 6 month old baby with Cerebral Palsy. I then saw several healthy babies, and wondered if the parents of healthy babies and children realize how lucky they are. I know I will...

Best Blog award

My best bud Iris at "My life in Purple" honoured me with this award. Thank-you! I am so new to the blog world that I am really not able to pass it along as the rules dictate. Check out the blogs I follow, those blogs are my "winners" :)

Wednesday, October 21, 2009


I have had a rough week. I am going to see a specialist this Friday to have another ultrasound. The radiologist was unable to get a good enough view of the baby's bowels to say that everything is OK. The doctors have reassured me that there is probably nothing wrong, since there are no other problems noted on my last ultrasound. But I am still nervous, and every once in a while the idea of "why would they send me to a specialist if they think there is nothing wrong?; why wouldn't they just do another ultrasound?" enters my brain.

With my hubby away at school, I really don't know where I'd be without my girl "auntie Iro". She has done her best this past week to keep me distracted, and even offered to take a day off work to accompany me to this next appointment (which is a 1 hour drive away). She has offered the services of Mr.Big to help clean bird guts off my window after a large bird committed suicide on my living room window this past Sunday. She and Mr. Big have included me in their plans, even including me to make a "crowd" at a wedding this past weekend, so that I would not have to go alone. She has offered to go to prenatal classes with me, invited me to attend cardio kickboxing classes, and we don't seem to go too many days without "checking in". I have even given her the title of "honorary Doula" in my birth process, as I feel she will be in the delivery room with my husband and I (if possible). She has introduced me to her soon to be sister-in-law, and I can see us creating an interesting trio!

It is the kind of friendship that comes easily, and I love her for it. SHE calls ME, rather than me having to be the one always "reaching out". SHE invites ME, SHE makes ME feel good about myself, and laughter is always guaranteed when we get together. Of course, I would like to think that I play a part in the calling and inviting too, but it is so nice to have someone who actually WANTS to spend time with me, and takes initiative in the friendship.

I don't know if she realizes how much all this means to me. Its the little things that she does to show that she cares. She brought Baby G her first present when I was 6 weeks pregnant. She is more like the sister I never had, than a friend. The best part is, we didn't have to go through years of sibling rivalry to get to this point! I truly believe we'll still be going for lunch, or even a drink, when we're little old ladies. Thank you... for all that you are... and for all that you have done for me.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Our Girl

I am 9 days behind the mark in writing this post, but I am still posting it regardless. On October 9, 2009, "Auntie Ro" and myself got a sneak peak at the little person growing inside me. We found out that there is a little girl in there, and even watched her swallow. Even though I was VERY uncomfortable since my bladder was overflowing, it was an amazing experience. My husband is away at school, and was unable to make it to the appointment. I was fully prepared to go by myself, but it was so nice to have someone else there with me to share my excitement with. It means a lot to me that she wants to be so involved - thank you!

Her movements are getting stronger every day, and it is the coolest feeling, until she puts a hand (or a foot) into my bladder!! It sends me running for the bathroom every time, but I wouldn't trade all of this peeing for the world.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Paper Jam???!!

I am still extremely bitter that I lost my fight with the fax machine at work yesterday. If you have not seen office space, I strongly recommend it! I am not an "office" person, and if I must work in that environment, all I ask is that the "tools" required for me to do my job WORK PROPERLY! When they don't work, my blood pressure goes up, and I feel the need to become destructive.

It was just a simple fax, I punched in the numbers, and the pages went through. As the pages went through two of them got stuck together, and the machine would not let them go, and the display screen said "document jam". So I pulled very hard on the pages and the fax machine finally let go, but I was unable to get rid of the "document jam" message. I opened all the panels, everything was fine. I tried to fax again, and it wouldn't let me. I ended up pushing a bunch of buttons and it disappeared.

I was able to send the fax again, and it went through properly this time. Then the fax report printed and when that was done I got a constant beeping noise, followed by the "document jam" message again. I opened all the panels and nothing was wrong, in fact, I could see clearly from one side of the machine to the other. The beeping would not stop, and I was so angry that I turned the power off on the machine and walked away.

An hour later, I listed to my office mates turn the fax machine on and go through the same thing.
All I can say, is that these scenes from office space depict my battle with the machine perfectly!




Thursday, October 8, 2009

Art, trash or treasure?

I came across this picture on evilmilk.com, and immediately saved it to my pictures. Initially I could not figure out why I was so taken by it, then I realized that it spoke a level of truth to me however, I understand if not everyone agrees.

I consider myself to be a "somewhat cultured" individual, but for some reason I don't really appreciate the arts that require no talent. I love music, but I have no tolerance for "noise". I think musical instruments are meant to be played, not played with. I play the piano, but only for myself, and for this I have been called "selfish". I appreciate all forms of theatre and especially enjoy musicals. I appreciate the written word, but I have no patience for poetry that doesn't seem to make sense. I love paintings, but I guess I don't see over-priced finger paintings as poignant, raw or realistic.

I have tried to "expand" my horizons, and I have introduced myself to the "fringe element", to no avail. You can call me narrow minded, or call me selfish, or even unappreciative, I just know what I like, and who I am, when it comes to art.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Sunday in my City - CIBC Run for the Cure

This past Sunday, October 4, 2009, Myself and Ms.Lovely and Iris, participated in the CIBC Run for the Cure in support of the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation. While we all ran for different reasons, we ran for a common goal. To raise funds and support the women and their families effected by this disease, to support the research and treatment in hopes of finding a cure.
I think we all know someone effected by breast cancer, and this event is a reminder of the importance of regular self exams and clinical testing where applicable. I had my own "scare" a few years ago when I found a lump in my breast. I called my doctor, and scheduled a visit. She checked it and said that it was most likely not breast cancer, but sent me for an ultrasound to be sure. The consensus was possibly a small cyst, and it disappeared over time.
As I stood there yesterday, listening to the survivor speaker tell her story of how she found her own lump, I was thankful for my health and awareness of breast cancer. I also found myself watching the survivors in the pink shirts, some with little to no hair, walking for their own cure.
I ran in hopes that there will be a cure in my life time, so my child will not have to face the possibility of this disease.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Friday 5!

I am going to do my best to follow the Friday 5! frenzy...I don't really have an answer to all the questions, but here it goes! ;)

1. Which of your stories have you probably told the greatest number of times to the most people?
-The story about how my husband and I met.

2. What’s a story someone else often tells about you, much to your chagrin?
- a story my mother loves to tell about me when I was about 4 years old...

3. What oft-told story from a chapter in your life seems to be remembered differently by different people who were there?
- The story about how I got the scar on my face.

4. What are some of the details, without retelling the whole story, of a story you’ve told often but never to your parents?
....ummm.... <- i think i'll just leave it at that.... ;)

5. What song would be an appropriate soundtrack to the story of your most embarrassing moment?
ummm i guess i'll have to think on that one....

Friday 5!