"... These words are my diary, screaming out loud. And I know that you'll use them however you want to..."

Monday, July 5, 2010

Fading smiles...

So, here we are again. Tomorrow will mark yet another month that has passed and, it seems that June was the quickest month yet. Five months already...where has the time gone?
I am happy that the time is moving quickly. It shows that I am busy, and reminds me that perhaps this is our "new normal"???? On the other hand, it is another month that has passed without her.
This past weekend, my hubby and I went to an event for an hour or two. At this event, people were smiling, drinking, dancing and listening to music. I felt like I was surrounded by people whose lives were still glittering. I know death has touched some of their lives, in one way or another, but not in the same way it has touched mine. Actually, I don't think death has just "touched" my life, but rather punched it in the face, and kicked it in the crotch. I am tempted to respond to peoples' "how are you?"s with the response of "Well, I'm just kick me in the crotch, spit on my neck, fantastic! How are you?"
After I left the event I heard the following lyric in a song. The song was actually "Mockingbird" by Rob Thomas (as I mentioned in my previous post called "Someday"). I am just going to take a small liberty and change one small aspect of the lyric, however, I feel that it fits the feeling I had at this event perfectly.

"Everybody else is smiling,
Man, their smiles don't fade.
I don't even wonder why,
I just don't think that way..."


  1. Thinking of you both tomorrow. <3

  2. Thinking of you as you mark another milestone.

    I thought of you and Kheri when we attended the butterfly release last weekend. (I'll get a couple of photos posted in the next week or so).

    It's amazing how hard this grief hits. Just seems to depend on the day for me - sometimes I'm OK being around smiling people that seem to have some semblance of a happy life. Other times that just sucks. I thought about it briefly today as my husband and I went grocery shopping and the check-out clerk asked how I was. Automatically I said, "Good, thanks." Then I thought, huh, what if I answered honestly said, "Well, today's OK. But my baby died 9 months ago, and ever since then, I just haven't been doing so great. Thanks for asking."

    Hugs to you!

  3. I miss her every day. I miss what we're not doing with her..

  4. I've been following for a while, but never commenting. Next week marks 5 months for me too. I just can't believe that much time has passed. It sounds like a long time, doesn't it? But it doesn't feel like that long at all.
    Thinking of you and Kherrington.

  5. On one hand, it feels like it was just yesterday but on the other, feels like a lifetime ago.

    Sometimes life just kind of sucks.

  6. Hey Girl. Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you. I've appreciated all your comments on my past few posts. And I loved the song about risk - listened to it right away!

    Hope you're doing well.