"... These words are my diary, screaming out loud. And I know that you'll use them however you want to..."

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Our deepest fear.

I have had several discussions recently with other BLMs, friends, family, doctors, colleagues and acquaintances, about the power behind being a baby-lost parent. The power that comes with talking about your dead child, and the power in the words "my baby died". It is like a brick, shattering through the "crystal palace dreams" that some people have about life.

When you tell an unsuspecting person that your baby died, the expression on their face usually tells it all. Their shock, dismay, and guilt is usually summed up with an "I'm so sorry, I didn't know... If I had known, I wouldn't have....That is just awful". Sometimes a tear or two, a unsuspecting hug, or you just see the shoulders slump, and the head drop. It really just lets the air out of the high flying balloon that they were riding that day. And that is a powerful thing. It is very powerful that my daughter and I have that power to make people stop..and potentially think.

I remember when Kherrington passed away. As a mother, and as a woman, I felt inadequate and a failure. I couldn't even pick up on the fact that something was wrong. What kind of parent was I. But with LOTS of counselling, and the ability to talk about her, I have discovered that us baby lost parents are powerful beings.

I was watching a movie this afternoon..Coach Carter. It is based on a true story of a coach of a inner city basketball team. While trying to change a young man who was heading for trouble, this coach repeatedly asked him "What is your deepest fear?". The young man answered with this, and I instantly paused the video and wrote it down. As baby lost parents we have plenty of fears, but it think for most of us, this sums it up.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were all meant to shine, just as children do. It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."


  1. I just got home from the library and guess what ~ I rented Coach Carter. I had no idea what it was about, but it looked uplifting. So, of course, I got it. Now I can 't wait to watch it. Thanks for sharing.

  2. Very powerful indeed. I have heard that quote before so I looked it up quickly - Nelson Mandela said it. I haven't heard it in years though.

    As I read the quote - I wonder if I experience something similar when I ask others for what I need. I've found many people don't know what to do with me as a babylost momma, and sometimes when I DIRECTLY tell/write people what I want; I feel, I don't know... pushy or something. I was just talking about my "stuff" around that with my husband this morning, and said I think sometimes I'm uncomfortable asking for what I want/need because I've found that most people don't ask directly for what they want... I'm kinda rambling, but maybe I play down my needs so others don't feel insecure around me. Hmm, ya got me thinking. :)


  3. Great Post Mo! And so true I was just telling my mother today that somewhere along the way lately I've not been ME! I let others try to put me in their box and that is probably why I feel so numb and out of it !

    I think we all need to be who we are , feel the way we feel and stand up and ask for what we need. If this alienates some people in our lives then did we ever really need them? Are they really someone who loves us or wants what is best for us?

    Kinda of thinking ...Feel free to be you and me !!