I have had several discussions recently with other BLMs, friends, family, doctors, colleagues and acquaintances, about the power behind being a baby-lost parent. The power that comes with talking about your dead child, and the power in the words "my baby died". It is like a brick, shattering through the "crystal palace dreams" that some people have about life.
When you tell an unsuspecting person that your baby died, the expression on their face usually tells it all. Their shock, dismay, and guilt is usually summed up with an "I'm so sorry, I didn't know... If I had known, I wouldn't have....That is just awful". Sometimes a tear or two, a unsuspecting hug, or you just see the shoulders slump, and the head drop. It really just lets the air out of the high flying balloon that they were riding that day. And that is a powerful thing. It is very powerful that my daughter and I have that power to make people stop..and potentially think.
I remember when Kherrington passed away. As a mother, and as a woman, I felt inadequate and a failure. I couldn't even pick up on the fact that something was wrong. What kind of parent was I. But with LOTS of counselling, and the ability to talk about her, I have discovered that us baby lost parents are powerful beings.
I was watching a movie this afternoon..Coach Carter. It is based on a true story of a coach of a inner city basketball team. While trying to change a young man who was heading for trouble, this coach repeatedly asked him "What is your deepest fear?". The young man answered with this, and I instantly paused the video and wrote it down. As baby lost parents we have plenty of fears, but it think for most of us, this sums it up.
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were all meant to shine, just as children do. It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."