"... These words are my diary, screaming out loud. And I know that you'll use them however you want to..."

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Some distance...

I realized yesterday, that it has been nearly a month since my last post, and I don't know where the time has gone. Actually, that is not true, I do know. We are so focused on getting "Bump" here right now, that a lot of other things have been set aside, at least for now.

Kherrington's 13 months "dirth/birthday" slipped right past me. After her first birthday passed, I think her spirit/soul moved a little farther to allow room for her little sister to arrive. There isn't a day that goes by that we don't think about her, and she is the reason why we are so anxious for her little sister to get here. I guess, I didn't give her 13 month "dirth/birthday" much thought because in life, we don't mark birthdays by the month after the first birthday.

I have a feeling that my posts here might become even rarer over the next few months. I am finding, that as our rainbow baby's arrival draws near, I am finding it difficult to read baby-loss blogs. It makes me worry even more, to read about all the things that can go wrong during birth. Cord accidents, brain trauma, broken bones, meconium aspiration, or respiratory failure. To read about these things is just "too much" right now. I am filled with worry, and I am exhausted from it. I mentioned this to my Obstetrician yesterday and she said "you have pregnancy exhaustion right now... not physically, but mentally". I wish I could turn it off...but I have tried, and I can't. I know that after "bump" gets here, the worries will change. I am still reading MOST of your posts..but I will admit, that selfishly, I am finding it hard. I apologize to my followers, and BLMs for my absence right now, and I hope you can understand. Please know that I do think of you, your stories, and your lost little ones. Who knows, maybe after "bump" arrives, I will need to write more... only time will tell.


  1. I thought my posts would have become less, but I was wrong, I still need to blog, I get anxiety if I dont. :)

  2. I don't think you should worry about the frequency of blogging. You'll read and write when you're ready. There's a lot going on, excitement, stress, and everything in between. Do what's best for you and take it one step at a time.

    Wish I could be there.

  3. This makes so much sense to me. And you've gotta do what's right for you and your family.

    For myself, I felt some "relief" as we've passed the 30 week mark with Dot and I thought OK - if she's born early, she has a good chance of surviving. But then I think about all the late term losses and still births, and it's a bit overwhelming. I know we're not out of the woods yet. So whatever you need to do to take care of yourself (like limiting/stopping blog reading) you do it!