"... These words are my diary, screaming out loud. And I know that you'll use them however you want to..."

Sunday, May 23, 2010

PHEW! It just fizzled...

Well, I did it! I made it through my first 7 shift stretch at work! And, I managed to come out relatively unscathed. I say relatively, because on some levels it still feels wrong, but on a greater level, I know it is something I have to do.

My job is something I have worked hard for, and I love. I know that there are many who can not say the same thing, and I worked my share of shitty jobs before this one. On my first day back, there was a brief meeting with my manager, then I was right back at it. I was surprised how naturally I fell back into the "swing of things". Mind you, I am having my share of challenges with all of the changes that have taken place in the last few months. I feel as though I am scrambling to catch up, and trying to not look like an ass in the process! I am finding that lately, everything has this horrible build up. The anticipation and anxiety leading up to going back to work was incredible, then when the day came...it just fizzled. Actually, being back to work has resulted in very full days, and a week that just flew by. I plunged head first back into my work, back to what I know... well what I sort-of know until I get caught up!
On another note, there was a family wedding yesterday. One of my husband's cousins got married. It was a beautiful day for a wedding, sunny and quite warm (28 degrees Celsius). I didn't go. The hubby was working on one of his preceptorship shifts, and I just decided that I couldn't muster going alone. I had many reasons, the fact that I didn't feel "celebratory" and also I'm not ready to face everyone yet. The biggest influence was the fact that, this was another event that Kheri was going to look super cute at, in a pretty little dress, and we were going to go regardless of whether or not my hubby could go. I just couldn't go, without her, and face the two other babies that were born in the past year. So I went to Saint John and met my hubby after his shift and we went on a "date". It was a nice distraction, and we had a nice evening together.

We're entering the third month "casually" TTC. Crossing my fingers, but not too hard, my work schedule and my hubby's preceptorship schedule has us apart for the better part of the next month and a half.

I want to take a moment here, and thank all of you for your support and comments. I see I have some new followers, welcome! I am sorry that we all have to meet under these horrible circumstances, but I am so glad that you are here, to listen, to cry, to laugh, to hug, and so that we can support each other.


  1. Fingers crossed for you. Casually is the best way, but sometimes it's so hard to keep it casual. Glad that your first shifts back were not too bad...venturing back out into the world can be daunting, at least until many of the questions have been asked and answered...over and over and over again.

  2. Work does make the time go by fast, that is for sure! Try to keep it casual for the TTC, stress will make it harder.

  3. Glad to hear your first day back at work went pretty well. I agree that my anticipation of events can be worse than the actual event.

    I was about to type I'm sorry you couldn't go to your husband's cousin's wedding - and on many levels I am sorry. I'm sorry your baby is not here w/ you to take with you and show off. I know the feeling. But I'm glad you did what you needed to do to take care of yourself. That's what's important - so good for you!

    I hope ttc is going well, casually speaking. :) I struggle w/ the casual part and have not been able to take that lightly. That will most likely be my next blog update tonight or tomorrow.

    Take good care! Hugs! - Shelly