Saturday, January 2, 2010
From my broken heart...
I have to say I am hurt. Really hurt. I am upset that you are making me feel like this. Making me cry. You were SUPPOSED to be my friend, and as a friend, I thought that maybe you could offer support when WE need it. Instead, I feel you have turned away, into your own world.
I miss YOU. The OLD you. The person I met about 4 years ago, who could laugh, be silly and who cared. The person who took the initiative and tried to establish a friendship. The person who, I believed, cared about me too. I believe that this "old you" would care about me, my baby, my husband, and some of the things that we are facing together.
Things have changed in our lives over the past year, and I assumed that we would be able to go through these changes together. Me/Us supporting you, and you supporting US. That is right, there is an US now. It is not just my husband and I anymore.
The last few months have made me feel like I am no longer a priority in your life. You have not called, unless you want something. You have not e-mailed, except for once, only to prove that you are "the better person" and to make me feel like shit. I told you that our baby MAY be sick, you didn't even give me a hug, nor did you offer any support. Rather you nodded, coldly, and then changed the subject.
You can't tell me that you don't know what WE are facing. That is right, "WE", as my husband is experiencing the same things. I know I have told you. I just don't think you care. You see, I don't think it benefits you, therefore, you have distanced yourself.
If you (possibly) think that you just don't know how to ask about the pregnancy, or me, or Cystic Fibrosis, then you need to grow up. Life will throw adversity your way, the trick is learning not to blink as you stare it in the face.
I have made the decision that I really do not like this "new person" you have become. The type of person who seems so cold, serious, and dark. Where did the sparkle go from your eyes? Where did the warmth go from your hug?
I am upset, slightly angry but mostly, just hurt. I feel like you abandoned us. Me, My husband, and the baby on the way. Call me "hormonal", or call me selfish, but this is one of the few times in my life where I am learning how to accept help and support, rather than always giving it. Where are you? I just hope someday that you re-discover that old you, and when that time comes, I hope that you still have people in your life who will support you, no matter what. I know I really value those who are supporting US right now.
My broken heart